The Ninth Sea - The Menace of Pink Smallcar

Many people know of the Seven Seas, few care of the Eighth Sea as it is quite boring. However, even less know of the ever elusive Ninth Sea. For only the truly mad sail there. This is a story about that sea.

Captain Jellybeard’s ship, the Sea Ostrich, pulled into port of Trinidud. The Jellyfish himself and his first mate, Maximillian Von Maximillius the Cat, deaparted from the ship

“That be some of the best cake I ever ate!” Jellybeard proclaimed as he wiped the left over from his face.

“It was quite delicious, especially with the cream,” Max agreed, Jellybeard laughed.

“Yar think anything be good with cream!” Jellybeard exclaimed, Max laughed this time.

“That is true,” he agreed, the two stopped just a few meters from the ship.

“Anyway I’m off,” Max said as he walked towards one the streets.

“Arr, going to see that girl again, what be she again?” Jellybeard asked, the cat quickly spun around.

“She’s one of the K-pop stars, her name is Kammoo Kammoo Parody,” Max said turning away.

“Aye, I see,” The captain said just as his first mate slipped into the crowd of the port.

“Captain permission to take leave?” One of the pirates yelled from deck, Jellybeard turned to his
crew.

“Aye, be back by tomorrow or I’ll grind ye bone to make me beard,” Jellybeard regretted those words almost instantly, as Reginald the know-it-all poked his head above the railing.

“Umm Captain, I think that’s giants not pirates also I’m quite sure it bread!” He yelled out, Jellybeard could not remember why he hired the annoying little man, he did come in handy on occasion though.

“Well then I’ll keelhaul ye then!” Jellybeard yelled, with fury in his voice.

“Yes sir!” The crew answered. Jellybeard floated off towards the port town.

The town was abuzz with activity, the fish mongers sold their fish, and the merchants sold their exotic goods such as spices and sugar. The Café’s sold their high priced Columbian coffee with a free bagel if you order the latest super jumbo size and the crazed salesmen pushed their latest model messenger parrots that had built in twitter. It was all a useless pitch as most people either bought ‘Green Dwarf Man’ parrots or ‘Orange’ parrots. Jellybeard floated past most of the pitches and stopped into his favourite little coffee shop, Starsea.

“Captain!” the employees cheered as Jellybeard floated in, knocking over several tables. Jellybeard looked over the menu even though it was difficult to concentrate with all the yelling in the background.

“I’ll have my usual,” he said while rubbing his beard with his tentacle.

“Huh?” The employee looked mystified at him, Jellybeard realised what had happened in his head. He quickly coughed.

“I mean, I be having me usual,” he answered, the employee smiled.

“Cool, you sure you don’t want that upsized to Super Jumbo, you get a free bagel?” she pushed the latest upsize.

“What kind of bagel be it?” Jellybeard asked out of kindness.

“Any kind, we just got in triple chocolate with cookies and cream,” the employee said. Jellybeard smashed his tentacle down on the counter.

“Damn ye and ye great deals, do that with the new bagel,” he folded his tentacles up as if crossing his arms

“Yes sir,” she said with a cheery smile.
Jellybeard floated outside, he placed his coffee and bagel onto one of the outside tables.

“Ah ha there you are!” a voice howled behind him, up the end of the street sat a very small pink hatchback car. A man leaned out of the window.

“You will face the wrath of the Lord of bodyguard’s guild!” He announced as he started the car, it revved up and took off.

“I am Lord Pink Smallcar!” he screamed as the car moved towards the captain. After about 30 seconds still nothing had happened.

“I not be one to point out flaws in a plan, but wouldn’t it be better if ye drove faster?!” Jellybeard yelled out to Pink.

“That could be dangerous though, in a car based collision it is bad to do anything over 5 kilometers an hour!” Pink Smallcar yelled back as he ran into one of Jellybeards crew that was window shopping. It pushed the man slightly to the left of where he was standing.

“Ouch, that was mildly inconvenient,” The pirate said rubbing his hip.

“Aye,” Jellybeard said in a doubtful tone, he ate a small amount of bagel and took a sip of his coffee.

Max suddenly came around the nearby corner with a girl dressed in outrageous clothes, it was a though three trucks of clothes hit her and he outfit was the combined form of all of the clothes. Stanger still it actually worked on her.

“Capain, I wanted to introduce my girlfriend, Kammoo Kammoo Parody, this is Captain Jellybeard” Max spoke. She said something very fast, Jellybeard nodded politely.

“She said you can –,” Max began to translate

“I know what she be saying Max.” Jellybeard quickly interrupted.

“Well Kammoo, it be nice meeting you,” Jellybeard answered her.

“You understand Korean, sir?” Max asked.

“I be having me ways,” Jellybeard answered, Max looked up at the red faced man in the pink small car.

“Umm, who’s that?” He asked Jellybeard

“That be Lord Pink Smallcar, I think he be trying to kill me,” Jellybeard took another sip of extra hot coffee.

“I see, should we do something about him?” Max spoke, Jellybeard looked over to Pink, he’d only moved about half the distance he needed to reach Jellybeard

“Eventually,” Jellybeard took a bite of bagel.

“That is very rude to ignore someone trying to kill you!” Pink yelled

“Does he know that it would be more effective to speed up?” Max said as he licked his hand and rubbed it through his head fur.

“You will face my wrath!” Pink Smallcar shouted.

“I be trying to tell he that.” Jellybeard said.

“You stand no chance to defeat me, Lord Pink Smallcar!”Once again the lord yelled.

“It’s rather strange,” Max said.

The conversation moved to weather and other mundane things as they waited for the car to get closer. Finally the car got to the point that it was just meters away from the group.

“Ha ha, now you’ll get it!” Pink Smallcar yelled. Jellybeard simply sidestepped the car to the right and Max with Kammoo moved to the left. As the car moved past, Max held one of his claws to the car. There was a screeching noise as Max took a line of paint of the car, both him and Jellybeard smiled evilly at each other, Kammoo giggled. Pink quickly turned around looking away from where he was driving

“Oh come on, I just paid this car off!” he yelled back. Jellybeard and Max began laughing with Kammoo. That is when disaster struck, the car bumped the table with Jellybeard’s coffee and bagel on it, and both crashed to the ground. The sweet coffee spilt into the street and hit the bagel turning it into mushy bread.

“Nooo!” Jellybeard yelled.

“Liquids don’t have a five second rule, it’s just liquid,” Jellybeard collapsed to the ground, tentacles flailing in the air. Suddenly black storm clouds floated into view, Jellybeard floated over Pink Smallcar’s car. Electricity arced between the Captain’s tentacles.

“This is what you get!” He screamed as a massive arc of lighting stuck the car. A small explosion rocked the town, with tires flying across the landscape. All that was left was a shell of a car and an extremely blackened Pink smallcar sitting in the driver’s seat. He crawled out of the car shaking.

“I hope ye be learning what happens when ye knock over a man’s coffee,” Jellybeard waggle his tentacle in Pink’s face.

“Yes sir,” he spoke as teeth fell from his mouth and he collapsed to the ground. Jellybeard looked at Max, who nodded.

“I was thinking that we could go for sushi,” Max suggested

“As long as there be no jelly with it,” Jellybeard said, all three laughed as they walked off towards the Super Sashimi Shack.

The Ninth Sea – Yacht of the Dessert King

Many people know of the Seven Seas, few care of the Eighth Sea as it is quite boring. However, even less know of the ever elusive Ninth Sea. For only the truly mad sail there. This is a story about that sea.

Captain Jellybeard gazed out upon the ocean, its deep blue waters were calming to him as it reminded him of home. It had been many moons since he had left his small village of Jellatopia to sail the seas as a ferocious pirate, he couldn’t help but feel somewhat accomplished even if his first mate was a sea-sick cat. Jellybeard knew about hardships as he was one of the Great Jellyfish that had been persecuted by so many.

“Have ye spotted them?” Jellybeard asked to the cat whom had recently finished throwing up. The Feline looked over to him as he licked his paw to clean his face.

“Does it look like I’ve been able to?” His name was Maximillian Von Maximillius and few people knew how or why he and the captain had become friends.  Maximillian was from the upper class if his dress didn’t give that away and Jellybeard wasn’t, to be honest. Jellybeard was a drunkard and a thief while Max was extremely proper and clean.

“Well if ya aint be using the tele-thingy give ‘er ‘ere,” The massive jelly said with a slimy appendage stretched out, the cat placed the telescope under one arm and pulled a shiny gold pocket watch from his waistcoat.

Checking the time he spoke, “Telescope, that it’s na - ,” Max turned a shade of green, which was quite the feat as his fur was ginger. He once again spun towards the ocean and began retching but still held out the pocket watch. Jellybeard snatched the telescope from under the feline’s arm and held it up to his eye patch. That was when he saw it, the luxury yacht of the King of Desserts, Doug. Jellybeard’s face moved into some kind of smile, but it was hard to tell for anyone looking; he threw the telescope over him and screamed,

“Ya mangy curs, kick Otto in the teeth and tell him to get moving.”
One of the pirates yelled something below deck and it followed down until it got to the engine room, in which Otto the Engine Octopus began to run on a giant wheel. The massive fan stuck to the back of Jellybeard’s frigate kicked into high gear and set them rocketing across the ocean.

“Oh god, no!” he heard Maximillian yell as the cat clawed into the wood.

“Ye must get thar fast, the engines on that ting are much better than ours!” the captain yelled to his crew.

Max looked over to Jellybeard. Wait, that sounded strange, could he be faking the pirate talk?  Max thought to himself.

“Wait, you sounded almost intelligent then,” the cat yelled out. Jellybeard’s eye patches went wide as Max spoke.

“Umm, I meant to say, the thingy make ‘em go fast,” The pirate recovered poorly, Max thought about another question as they approached the target.

“Also, how did you see through that telescope?”

There was a mighty crash as Jellybeard’s ship smashed into the yacht. Several pirates quickly jumped on deck, weapons drawn but were met with resistance.

Doug’s loyal army of ice cream men and their minions, ice cream cone-men attacked. The ice cream cone-men made some of the pirate’s body conscious with cruel taunts and gave most of them ice cream headaches. The ice cream men hurled massive scoops of Neapolitan without the chocolate.

“Those monsters!” exclaimed Max.

“Me thinks it’s time for us to join the fight,” Jellybeard looked towards Maximillian who nodded to his captain. Both jumped into action. The first ice cream cone-man laughed at Jellybeard.

“Ha, you’re so fat!” The cone-man pointed at him, Jellybeard crossed his limbs.

“Me’ll ‘ave you know, that me is quite attractive as a Jellyfish,” Jellybeard caught one of the pirates looking at him strangely.

“Um, Me mean’s die,” he pulled out one of his flintlocks and shot the cone-man.

“Oww man, I was just using words and you took it too far,” it cried as it collapsed in a pile of melted cream. Jellybeard put aside his guilt as he turned to find Max perched on a screaming cone-man. The feline was contently licking away the ice cream.

“Oh god, get him off, get him off,” it screamed. Jellybeard laughed as he heard a shout of victory, he watched as his crew tied up the remaining ice cream men.

“What should we do with them sir?” one of the pirates asked.
 Jellybeard floated over to them. “Monster like this need to feel pain, we’ll maroon them for their crimes against the people,” everyone cheered.

“Neapolitan without chocolate, what villains,” The captain whispered to himself.

“We found him sir,” Someone yelled out below decks on the yacht.

“Bring ‘im up,” Jellybeard called down. One of the pirates came on deck with a rope in his hand, at the end of it was a white unicorn.

“Doug the Unicorn,” Jellybeard smiled.

“What is the meaning of this? I’ll have you know that I paid for the highest of protection,” Doug the Unicorn spoke, with confidence. There was a loud buzzing in the distance.

“I’ll tell you why, you –,” the buzzing sound turned into a high powered engine noise.

“What is that?” Max asked as he looked into the sky. Jellybeard reached behind him and pulled out the telescope.

“Where did you – you know what, I don’t care,” Max said as he shook his head.

“Trouble, that what it be.” As Jellybeard spoke a massive rocket-powered jet fighter screamed overhead and a body smashed into the yacht. A massive dust cloud kicked up, after a few seconds a figure emerged from it.

“I am Lord Vienspalvis.” He was dressed in all grey, Jellybeard and Max just looked at each other, they quickly walked together and whispered to each other.

“Lord Vanspillson?” Jellybeard asked.

“Lord Vienspalvis.” His lordship corrected, the two huddled again.

“Vinspanner?” Maximillian asked

“Vienspalvis!” Vienspalvis shouted at them.

“Vooveevoo?” Jellybeard asked.

“That time you didn’t even try, you just made vee noises,” The lord’s eye twitched.

“Lord V thing, that’s about to get his butt kicked,” Max chuckled.

“That’s not my name!” Vienspalvis eyes went slightly bloodshot.

“’Tis now,” Jellybeard said, as they both began to laugh.

“ARGH! I’ll show you!” he howled as he held out his index fingers and began to shoot highly concentrated rainbows in the eyes of two near-by pirates.

“I’m blind!” screamed one.

“That is quite annoying!” yelled the other as he stumbled off the yacht.

Lord Vienspalvis quickly blinded several pirates and mildly annoyed three others. Finally, Max and Jellybeard stepped forward, his lordship smiled.

“I know a Felines greatest weakness,” Vienspalvis grinned, Max smirked.

“Unlik – whats that?” He spoke as a red dot appeared onto the floor of the yacht.

“Chase the red dot kitty,” The lord began to move his finger around the ship.

“Got to catch that!” Max screamed as he began to chase the dot around.

Vienspalvis held out his index and middle fingres towards Jellybeard, two rainbows shot out and hit the two eye patches that the jellyfish wore. Nothing happened. Again he shot out the rainbows but once again nothing.

“Hey, that’s not fair, you’re wearing eye patches,” his lordship sulked.

“Let see how me be without then,” Jellybeard lifted the eye patches. Vienspalvis quickly shot another rainbow but nothing happened.

“You see, the Jellyfish’s greatest strength is…“Jellybeard began as he lifted his noodle appendages.

“We don’t have eyes!” the Jellyfish shouted as a massive bolt of lightning arced from his tentacles and struck the ground below the lord. The massive explosion sent him flying into the sky.

“Ahhhh! Next time Jellybeard!” he screamed as he rocketed off into the distance. Max walked over to Jellybeard, now composed. Both looked at Doug as he looked off to where Vienspalvis had gone.

“Wait come back,“ he whispered. The unicorn turned to face the pirates.

“So, I guess you are here for the Leprechaun,” Doug held himself high.

“Wait, what Leprechaun? I’ll take the Leprechaun,” Max said with a gleam in his eye..Leprechaun meant gold which means he might actually be paid this month.

“You’re not here for it then?” Doug looked perplexed. Jellybeard stepped up to him and shoved a tentacle in his face.

“Last year, ya made me a berthdee cake, me asked for chocolate icing and ya made me vanilla!” He howled, a tear formed below the right eye patch. Doug looked as though he had been hit on the head.

“What, that’s it?” he asked with a look that said, my brains just ducked out.

“That’s it?” The captain stared at the unicorn and spoke with a tone that could only be described as insulted. “OF COURSE!” Jellybeard screeched. “Give me those!” he yelled as he tore a set of keys off the unicorn’s saddle. “Now git off me new boat,” the captain pointed to the ocean.

“You can’t be serious, its three days to the nearest port,” Doug protested as he looked around. When he looked back at Jellybeard, there was a flintlock in his face. Max watched as a sweat began to pour off the unicorn. “I’m sure I can manage though,” he giggled nervously as he jumped into the sea. Max watched as Doug slowly swam away.

“Is that it!Me should ‘ave shot the landlubber,” Jellybeard spoke as he brought a pipe up to his face.

Max thought of asking where he got the pipe from but he decided to just let it go, he probably won’t get a real answer anyway. “Now will someone make me a cake?” the captain shouted. Everyone laughed. Jellybeard slowly turned around, with a mad look on his patches.

“No, really, someone make me a cake,” he pulled out a flintlock and clicked it back.